


Verdant

by Zethsaire



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Asexual Character, Asexual Relationship, Asexuality, Domestic, Gardens & Gardening, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Recovery, Slice of Life, Therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-06
Updated: 2015-06-06
Packaged: 2018-04-03 04:24:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4086703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zethsaire/pseuds/Zethsaire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Most of the other Avengers had difficulty understanding it; both why Bucky would seek comfort that way from Steve when he didn't allow anyone else within five feet of him, and also why Steve let the man who'd nearly killed him sit in his lap like a puppy.</p><p>(Asexual gardener Bucky)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Verdant

**Author's Note:**

> I promised a while ago that I would write asexual Bucky/Steve. I had originally planned for it to be this really long epic fic...this is what I ended up with instead. But I really really like it, even though it's quite short. Perhaps I'll do a series of short snippets? I don't really know. Regardless, I hope you enjoy it!!
> 
> Warnings: language, and though both characters are asexual there is a small bit of talk about sex, though no sex takes place or is described. And since this is post CA:TWS, there are mentions of Bucky's recovery and references to physical/emotional abuse. There is also a very brief mention of a previous suicide attempt. No one is suicidal in this fic at the present time.

When he wasn't in therapy or in a physical therapy session, Bucky spent most of his time in Steve's lap. Most of the other Avengers had difficulty understanding it; both why Bucky would seek comfort that way from Steve when he didn't allow anyone else within five feet of him, and also why Steve let the man who'd nearly killed him sit in his lap like a puppy.

More than half the time Bucky was still the empty shell of the Winter Soldier, but he would sit there blankly and let Steve comb his fingers through his long, unkempt hair. Steve had tried to cut it once – that hadn't gone well for anyone.

Today was one of his more lucid days, but also a non-verbal day. Steve had been learning ASL along with Bucky, but he hadn't picked it up as fast. Bucky had always been good with languages, and Steve had always been spectacularly bad at them.

Bucky signed rapidly at him, and then rolled his eyes when Steve stared at him with a blank expression, only understanding one word out of ten. He repeated the signs, slower, and made Steve practice signing them back at him.

/You're never going to get better if you don't practice./

Steve grumbled, but ran through the alphabet a few times with Bucky. “Ok Buck, what did you say before?”

/You don't mind, do you?/

“Mind what?”

Bucky smacked him lightly on the shoulder, and Steve sighed, and signed along with this words. “I'm really bad at this.”

/You'll get better./

“I hope so. What don't I mind?”

/This./ Bucky laid his head on Steve's chest and gestured to him sitting on Steve's lap, wearing Steve soft blue hoodie.

“Why would I mind? I like holding you. I don't know if you remember, but we used to do this all the time. Well, you'd hold me, but we cuddled a lot.”

/Really?/

“Yeah. I figured you remembered, since you're comfortable when you're having a bad day.”

“When I'm the asset you mean,” Bucky said roughly, startling Steve. Usually he stayed totally silent on non-verbal days. Apparently he didn't want to chance being misunderstood.

“Well...yeah. So why does it bother you?”

“I don't know. I lay all over you all the time, you make me breakfast and take me to my appointments and defend me when I can't speak and bullied every member of the Avengers until they accepted me. But you never – I mean I don't -” Bucky paused, frustrated, and switched back to slow signs.

/I remember sex, a little. Just some fumbling around with girls, a mission or two. Nothing spectacular. But I don't remember ever having sex with you. But we – weren't we together? Or did my head fuck that up, too?/

Steve had to blink back tears. He honestly hadn't thought Bucky would remember. They'd been very discreet; it wasn't like there was much in the history books to trigger Bucky's memory.

“Yeah. Yeah we've – we were together for a long time.”

/Then why don't I remember having sex with you?/

“Do you  _ want _ to have sex with me?”

Bucky bit his lip, like he wasn't sure what he was supposed to say. “I... _ would _ .”

Steve swallowed. “But do you want to?”

“I don't know Steve, half the time I don't even want to eat. Stop being edgy and just tell me what's on your mind already!”

“You're asexual Bucky. Well, I mean you were. I don't know what you are now, you're supposed to discover that for yourself. That's what Sam says.”

“I'm asexual?”

“...yeah. I um. I am too, actually. It's part of why we got together.”

“ _You're_ asexual? But you're so – everything. Everyone makes eyes at you.”

“Have you seen pictures of me before the serum? No one looked at me then. Besides, just because someone wants to have sex with me doesn't mean I'm required to oblige them.”

“I can say no,” Bucky repeated by rote. He didn't always remember what it meant.

“Yes, you can.”

“So...what did we do? If we didn't have sex? That seems like all anyone talks about.”

“Well, we didn't do anything in public, obviously. I got beaten up as it was. But at home we cuddled and slept next to each other at night, and kissed sometimes. Mostly I just liked being next to you.”

“Were we happy?”

“Yeah. We were.”

Bucky nodded, and then relaxed against Steve, breathing in the scent of him. He nuzzled up under Steve's chin and sighed in pleasure. He didn't say a word for the rest of the day.

Both Sam and Bucky's therapist suggested Bucky find a positive outlet for his energy. Bucky didn't like to do much. He absolutely refused to get up before noon for anything. He liked soft things, and curling up to read in the sun. He read anything he could get his hands on in English, French, German, or Russian. He read novels and speculative fiction and satire, research material and textbooks. He worked out to keep in shape, pushing himself brutally until Steve made him stop or he collapsed from exhaustion.

Bucky did not like eating, unless it involved chocolate. He hated therapy and doctor's visits, though he didn't mind visiting Tony's workshop and talking about his arm. He didn't like it when Steve had to leave on a mission and someone came to stay with him. If he had to have a babysitter, he preferred Darcy, letting her talk at him for hours.

None of those activities really helped Bucky burn off energy positively, and Steve was despairing that they'd find anything Bucky liked. Bucky wasn't allowed out of the tower, and didn't want to leave in any case. He was convinced the moment he left, Hydra would reclaim him, and nothing anyone said would persuade him otherwise.

Steve came home from a brutal three-day mission to find Darcy sitting on the couch, knitting yet another brightly colored sweater for Bucky. Darcy had an unhealthy obsession with knitting, and Bucky liked soft things and was cold a lot, and the result was that he had at least a dozen brightly colored sweaters, hats and scarves all knit in cheerful, soft yarn. He looked ridiculous when he was scowling at the world while wearing a sunshine yellow hat, rainbow scarf, and bright blue sweater, but he did it anyway.

Bucky was no where to be seen.

“Is Bucky asleep?”

“What? Oh, no, he went up to the roof.”

“And you didn't stop him?!” Steve dropped his bag and shield and sprinted back out into the elevator. He'd have run but it was nearly twenty floors, and JARVIS could get him there faster.

“Rooftop JARVIS – hurry!”

“Of course, Captain. May I state that Sargent Barnes isn't currently exhibiting suicidal behavior?”

“I need to see him.”

Bucky had only tried to kill himself once, with a kitchen knife. He'd slashed his vein from his wrist to his elbow in a precise gouge, and if Steve hadn't found him in time, he would have bled out. It had scared the hell out of him.

Steve wasn't sure what he'd been expecting on the roof, but it wasn't Bucky on his hands and knees in the dirt of the rooftop garden, carefully pruning roses under the careful instruction of a middle aged Asian woman.

“Bucky?”

Bucky snipped a dead branch off carefully, then set the shears down and turned around. He had dirt smudged across his face, and he was smiling.

“Steve!”

He handed the shears to the gardener and got up, brushing dirt off his worn jeans. Steve was secretly pleased to see Bucky was wearing an Iron Man shirt, which had multiple stains on it.

Bucky crossed the distance between them quickly and crushed Steve in a big hug, even lifting Steve up a few inches. He pressed a kiss to Steve's lips, still smiling, before letting him down.

“You're filthy. Did you just get back?”

“Uh...yeah. Couple of minutes ago.”

“You need a shower! Misako, I'm going now, but I'll be back tomorrow. Someone's got to take care of this lug.”

Misako smiled and gave a small bow before returning to her rose bushes. Bucky bowed back, lower before taking Steve's hand and pulling him towards the elevator.

“I didn't know you gardened.”

“Oh yeah Steve, it's great. Misako doesn't talk at all, but that's ok because she always understands the flowers perfectly. And it's great because if I don't want to talk there's no pressure. She's teaching me JSL and how to listen to the flowers. It's really great Steve. It's soothing; the flowers don't expect anything from me, there just are. I go there every day you're gone.”

Steve hadn't been expecting that. “You can go on days I'm here too, if it makes you that happy.”

“Yeah but then I wouldn't see you as much.”

“I can come upstairs, too. Draw or something while you work.”

“Do you think you'd like that?”

“Of course Buck. Gardening makes you happy.”

“It really does, Steve.”

Darcy had gone by the time they got back, so Steve let Bucky pull him out of his clothes and they got in the shower together. Bucky insisted washing every inch of Steve and then washing his hair, and Steve returned the favor, working conditioner through the long strands while Bucky sighed and leaned back against Steve's chest. It wasn't sexual, just intimate. Steve doubted his teammates would understand. Well, maybe Sam would. Bucky wasn't close like this with anyone else, this was all Steve's.

That night Bucky ate his whole dinner, though he made awful faces while he ate his cauliflower. When they went to bed, Bucky only woke up twice, and there were no screams jarring them both awake. Steve decided there needed to be more gardening in Bucky's future.


End file.
